Just Give It One More Try by, Liza

“Thank you for your time Ms.Snow.” 
“Thank you,” I calmly replied. I walked out and told my dad how everything went as he drove me home. I really think I did well, I mean I gave it my best, I told myself. Hopefully this is it. I tried to stay positive to distract any negative thought that might pop into my head. Over the years of trying to make a name for myself and pursue a long life dream of mine, I came across  scams and imposters. Ever since I was a younger till now I’ve been trying to make it in this world, to become an actress and my dad has supported me every step of the way, he spent literally thousands just to hear “she needs more training”, “are you sure your financially capable” , “We’ll give you a call” , or some other excuse just to make everything so convincing so its easier for them to take your money and run with it.  And so they have,  I feel so sorry for all the money that my dad has lost, so I hope that this agency isn’t just stringing us along,
 that this is for real because I’ve about had it with everything. Part of me wants to give up because my dad cant continue to get his money stolen, but the other part says just give it one more try, you never know.  I finally stopped being nostalgic and conflicted. I went to bed early so I can be refreshed for the call back session tomorrow morning.  I woke up with butterflies in my stomach, however I tried hard to not let it bother me. 
 “Be calm and remain positive” I told myself while my dad drove me back to the agency. 
He said “no matter what happens,  I’m proud of you, you’re still my daughter regardless and I love you.“ Hearing this made my eyes teary , all the more I hoped and prayed that I made it. Even though he said its going to be okay, I still don’t  want to let him or myself down. If I ever make it big, I know he wouldn’t want me to do this, but I’d pay him back all the money that he spent on me that was lost thanks to all the jerks we’ve come across. 
         I walked through those doors with my head held high and I sat down in the waiting room surrounded by the other contestants. 
  “Good morning everyone” said one of the managers I preformed my monologue and commercial in front of. “May I just say that I am very pleased with so much potential that was brought to the table yesterday, and I am excited to announce those who are ready to take their career to the next level.”
“This is it” I told myself.
…and the last but not least , Amy Garner. Thank you everyone, if you didn’t get a callback feel free to email me over the weekend to identify why you weren’t picked here today.“ I couldn’t wait for the weekend, I was so heartbroken and upset that I needed to know right now. I ran up to her bravely and reintroduced myself. “Hello, I’m Ella Snow, I’m sorry I know you said to wait for the weekend but I just really need to know right now, what is it that I  didn’t bring to the table that you expected to see?”
“Ahh, Ella Snow. I remember you. You have such a bubbly personality and you’re very smart.”
“Thank you” I replied.
“You did great actually, however the reasons I didn’t call you because you weren’t so articulate. You also don’t look the way you do, in your headshot  you appear to look a lot younger and  as of right now, your hair can use a good trim.”
“I have nano braces behind my teeth, I was trying my best” I replied while showing her my braces. I thought I sounded perfectly fine I told myself .
 “ Oh I see, well that’s smart that you have them behind your teeth to where you cant seem them, when will you get them taken off?” 
“In about two months” I replied while trying not to cry because I could already see where this was going.
“Well here’s what we can do, I really like you. You have a great personality and I think I can work with you. Why don’t you go back to your instructor for more training and have him contact me in about five months so we can meet again. By that time you should be better prepared, you’ll have your braces off and hopefully your hair will be trimmed and your headshot will be updated okay? Then we can go from there sweetie.”
“Thank you “ I replied with a big fake smile and walked away. I couldn’t wait to get in the car so I could ball my eyes out and tell my dad what happened.  
“Ella, its bullshit, you and I both know it” my dad said. 
“I’ll see what we can do, maybe I can-- 
“No!” I interrupted angrily.
 “Dad, I’m giving up, I don’t want to be bothered anymore. Its not meant to be and your just wasting your money on a stupid dream that will never come true.” I said while crying. 
 “ Just forget it okay? “
“I’ll just be a normal teenager, go to school, hangout with friends , just live a normal life and get an education because I’m so sick and tired that we have to go through  this.”
“Ella, its okay, you don’t have to give up, I can find someone.” Said my dad with such warmth,  not a single note of disappointment. 
“It’s too late, I already gave up” I responded with cracks in my voice and such aches in my heart.
When we arrived at our  home,  I went straight to my room and I deleted every social media app that I had.  Twitter, instagram and vine.  I even stopped watching TV. I didn’t want to be reminded of celebrities or the new people on their way to fame. Then I replayed everything in my head, from start to finish. I could hardly sleep that night, I kept myself up all night thinking and thinking.
         Over the next month I became very passive, I was like a zombie. All the life was sucked right out of me. At the moment the only thing I knew how to do was mope around, cry, get disgusted with everyone and myself, reminisce, and hurt myself. I started to cut myself , it seemed to take away the pain of failure because I was more focused on the pain of the blade slicing and tearing my wrists. The blood, looked so pretty dripping down my hand into the sink. I cried harder because I realized when my cuts healed , I’d have scars to remind me of the physical and emotional pain I went through.  I knew this was wrong so I stopped , the next day I contacted all my friends so we can meet up and hang out because its been a long while.  They don’t know about the career I’ve been trying to pursue. I kept it secret because no matter how good of a friend you have, they can be very envious and screw things up.  We hung out on a Friday and I really enjoyed myself.
 We were just being dumb teenagers, walking around in a park, being loud, singing Christmas carols (even though its not Christmas time yet), playing games like “Never have I ever”. Never have I ever is a game where you say something that you’ve never done and if someone in the group has done what you said you never done, they drink from a bottle and tell their story,  everyone drinks from the same bottle . You can also say something that you have done but still saying the words “ never have I ever” except you would have to drink from the bottle, tell your story and wait to see it someone else has done the same thing. You don’t have to just say things you never done before. For example this girl said “Never have I ever watched porn” she drank from the bottle and told her story of how she was being curious and then this really cute and funny boy named Jeremy who I don’t really know that well but would like to, drank from the bottle
 because he has watched porn and he told his story. Haha he said “I watch it like every night, I’m a guy so you can’t  blame me”.  Anyways, this day was well spent , it took my mind off of things. I never really got a chance to be normal and hangout around people growing up because I was too busy taking acting classes twice a week and preparing for events, I never really got a chance to be a normal kid, a normal teen so I was glad I finally let go of some dumb dream.  
        For four months I’ve been normal. I hung out with friends, got to know Jeremy better and bonded with my dad. Everything was okay. That is until I went down crushed dreams road and bad memories avenue. My email was full of ignored mails, so I decided to open them up, one of them was from twitter. I deleted the app not my account so I redownloaded twitter and logged on . I scrolled through home page and saw all this obsession over Hollywood’s new face. An attractive looking teen who got famous for his good looks, the amount of girls obsessing over him and for one stupid video he made of himself. This boy has no talent, he’s just hot. And he’s getting famous for it ?!  What the heck? This is so  unfair I cant believe this right now!  My eyes filled with tears as my half healed heart started to break all over again.   I have so much talent and potential and I didn’t make it, but this ken doll comes in and gets in there with the snap of my fingers,
 just like that?! I couldn’t believe how biased the entertainment industry is. My eyes bursted with tears. I knew I wasn’t okay, I was just bottling up my emotions and feelings. I needed a distraction and I thought hanging out with my friends would do it, well it did for a short period of time. When I went to school, that boy I saw on twitter was the hot topic. He’s all that every girl in school  is talking about. I couldn’t take it anymore, I went to the bathroom and cried missing one of my classes. I wished I had my blade with me to distract me from the pain I felt. When I got home I did my homework, later on that day I didn’t see why because I had a plan, which was to kill myself. I engulfed a bunch of sleeping pills with water and laid down on my bed , I shut my eyes with a tear falling from my face onto my pillow. I woke up the next morning feeling ill. I was so mad I didn’t die. I told myself I cant live with the fact that my dream will
 never come true.  I don’t want to live if I cant make it because there’s nothing left for me to live for so I rather be dead , I mean I’m wasting my time here on earth. I’m not enjoying myself at all. Over the coarse of the week my dad noticed I was down so he talked to me. I told him how I felt, I wanted to continue to bottle my emotions but  I couldn’t  I was hurting him by being hurt and not saying anything. All of my emotions burst, hitting my dad. He knew I wasn’t okay. 
“ Why don’t we give it just one more try?” he asked. 
“ You never know Ella, don’t give up.” 
I gave what he said some thought, I then realized that still… a small part of me kept holding on.  I posted videos of my talents in you tube like singing, dancing, and acting while my dad and genius brother looked for agencies in LA. They found an agency and they had a audition for film and television. They gave them my information over email and we all flew out there after they replied. When we arrived in the sunny state of California we took a cab to the agency located in the heart of LA. My dad and brother prepped me. I was so happy that my dad didn’t give up on me and that my big brother found time to bond with me and help me out with this. 
“Next is Ella Snow.” said a blonde women standing in the doorway of the room where two major agents  awaited me. I was so nervous but I didn’t let my nerves get the best of me because I was glad that I gave it just one more try, I never really wanted to quit.  I walked through the door, stood on the mark in front of the agents that smiled at me and I began to slate.