Monday, December 15, 2014

His One Mistake by, Elyse


Daniel was a senior in high school, straight A student standing with the highest grade point average of his school. Facing constant pressure from his family and having to meet their high expectations, he had no type of life and didn’t get a chance to be the typical high school senior. Daniel’s little brother, Matthew, was what he looked forward to everyday after school… before he started his homework of course. He wasn’t your average nerd, nor did he have the “nerdy” appearance. In fact, everyone at Garden Hills High School knew Daniel as he was a likeable person and was there for anyone who needed help or just a friendly shoulder. “We love Danny. Garden Hills misses Danny. Oh how we miss hearing his laughter echo through the walls of the hallways…” says a student at Garden Hills.
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            One day after coming home from school, Daniel found himself frustrated as tears came trickling down from eyes. He murmured, “I can’t do this anymore. Where’s my life? Do I even have one? I worry about satisfying the gratification of others... but when will I ever do this for myself? Am I even who I want to be?” While his eyes marked every corner of the walls, his body unconsciously dripped in sweat, and his hands trembled in a steady pace as he packed up his things. He quickly packed only a few pieces of clothing to take with him in a bag in a careless and rancid manner.
     Before he left home he wrote a note:

             Dear Mom and Dad,
        I’m sorry but I’m leaving. I hate doing this to you guys, especially to Matthew. But this isn’t the life I want to live. All the pressure of being perfect and being the right role model to Matthew is just too much… at any chance I could mess up. So I might as well make my one biggest mistake today. Please don’t look for me. I love you guys.
                                Daniel.
            Daniel didn’t know what he was going to do with his life; after all he basically had no choice but to start a new one.
     The streets were gloomy in the mornings and pitch black at nights, quite diffused with intriguing characters. On his tenth night of living on the streets, a group of guys approached Daniel.
… Daniel was now in a gang. The worst part was he was living the life of a drug dealer.
     Being a drug dealer was exhilarating. Immense rewards, more than he could ever phantom, how along with that was unbelievable stress, inescapable paranoia, and the most difficult part was subsisting in a world that didn’t traditionally “exist” in conventional standards.

                   6 years later…
     One day as 16 year old Matthew was walking home from playing basketball with his friends in the darkness of the ominous starlit night, he heard a huge raucous. As his heart raced faced as though he was competing in a Dayrona 500,he curiously hid behind a car. Baffled by the sight of his brother after so long, he tried pantomiming that his now nearly baldheaded brother was being held up against the wall by a well-built grim man. The man was furiously choking Daniel. Matthew didn’t know what to do. He thought to himself, “Should I save him? I mean that’s my brother, how can I not? Or should I keep my mouth shut?” When the monster like man pointed the machine to Daniel, Matthew sprinted out from behind the car and jumped in front of his brother. The shooter dropped the gun and ran away in the midst of the dark alley.
     Daniel watched his brother drop to the floor as blood rushed out from his body. He was shocked.
     Tears rushed out from his eyes and the memory of the day he left home came into his mind. He picked up the rifle and pressed it against his head.
     As he pulled the death mark trigger he closed his eyes.

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Why did he turn to the life of a drug dealer? Because. Because for once he didn’t have to live up to the expectations of anyone else. He finally had the chance to do something other than what everyone else wanted him to do. He made his own decisions. To everyone’s surprise including his own, he actually enjoyed the lifestyle. Up until he saw the fatality of two people in front his eyes. His brother’s and his own. And who am I? You may be wondering… I am one of the Daniel’s friends from school… and the streets. One who went through the same stress faced by Daniel at home. One who also dropped out of school. One who saw Daniel in the streets and introduced him to the gang life. Ever since witnessing the tragic deaths of two brothers, I dropped out of the gang and have left the streets. I have now used Daniel’s story to encourage younger kids to stay in school and mold a bright future for them. I am now a lecturer and am blessed to have to my life as well as being able to better the lives of others by not making the same mistake me and Daniel both had made. 

10 comments:

  1. I love the main character Daniel, how you explained his life struggles and the fact that all of the pressure he was feeling lead him to live a thug life. I feel like you accurately explained what happens to some high school dropouts. ~ Alexis C.

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  2. I love the relationship between your characters and real high school students nowadays. I am in love with your story and the way you structure it. It captures a different perspective of your character's life and I love the diary entries in between the story, it brings the story to a more vivid and realistic perspective.

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  3. My favorite part was when the little brother tried to save Daniel even though Daniel left home. After 6 years, he still loves his brother. The deaths were very unexpected.

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  4. The way you use the daily struggles of high school students to create your story is just perfect. In my opinion the story could've been longer. Other than that it was great.

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  5. I love the connection with the struggles of high school students today and it really makes your story relatable. I wanted your story to keep going, very well done!

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  6. I love how not only is the characters three dimensional but so is the story, it sounds so real.

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  7. I love how created a lot of emotion by talking about the characters back stories and how it's effected the events that happened in the present day. Great story !

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  8. It was a very relatable piece. Even though I haven't joined a gang or did drug dealing the fustration and confusion in the beginning is something every teen had felt. The emotion that was expressed when Mathew met with Daniel was very powering and gave a more vivid visual of Daniels situation. Good job!! - I hope I don't go bald. 😁😁

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  9. Nice job working through this story. I love your creative idea for the narrator and how you reveal his identity at the end.

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  10. I agree with Ms. Levine - you did a great job of revealing the narrator's identity at the end. I was certain the story was about Daniel only, but it was interesting to have his story used by another character to caution people. Good job, Elyse!

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